Education - A Simple Idea.

In the light of active disruption by spoilt children, the snobbery that can exist within the educational world, the suggestion that class sizes could rise to 70 when the teaching unions about to vote on class sizes, memos about the 'toxic nature' of family breakdown and the perceived increased need for support for the tweenager, education is much in the news at the moment.

It seems that everyone, and teachers in particular, want to teach only the best motivated students and then in groups of twenty or so. However, class sizes are around thirty and there are some in every class that seek to disrupt lessons.

In the next government where Jeremy Clarkson is PM and I become the Secretary of State for Education. At least and unlike many education secretaries before hand, I can speak of having many years experience in this field.

Back to the point!

Here is the manifesto of solely one item but the one item that will radically improve all schools.

Attending school becomes OPTIONAL for all pupils over the age of 14.

This will have the following effects;

1. Only committed students will attend school and hence teachers will only be teaching the motivated. Teachers now happy!
   
2. Parents will have to take more responsibility for their children as those who will decide to stay at home will have to be looked after. They become actively responsible for the futures of the kids. Parents focused
   
3. Funding released by the non attendees can be used for the motivated. Head teachers happy!
   
4. The 'bad' teachers will be redeployed out of the classroom and thus the overall standard of teaching will improve. Parents happy!
   
5. Schools will have the right to exclude any pupil that is a pain and transfer the care of that pupil to the parent. Schools happy!
   
6. Children will rapidly learn that if they want to attend school they have to behave. Thats it. Simple! Schools happy again!
   
7. With the wealth of training opportunities outside of the classroom funded by the government, pupils who do not gain GSCE's/NVQ's/Diploma's can pick up their education when they need it and when they become motivated to learn. Government happy!
   
8. Most of all, the function of school to educate will become paramount rather than to baby sit the currently ill-mannered and destructive pupil and allow them to disrupt lessons. Schools happy yet again!

I await my call up to the next government.

Alas, I do not think that it will happen as I am pathologically honest and would be unable to complete an expense form.

No Anger

No anger, no anger
No more, no more

There’s no anger.
No anger, no more.
I couldn’t love you anymore.

Fed up with misery,
Fed up with crawling.
Mobile by my side,
Not me she is calling.

She left me hanging,
One September morning.
Packed her love away,
Left without warning.

Glass so empty,
Barmen please come here.
I’m fine being solo,
Just me and my beer.

There’s no anger.
No anger, no more.
I couldn’t love you anymore.

CTM © 3/6/05

End of the Bar

And on a similar vein...

I used to dine with millionaires who spawned caviar.
Have social intercourse with the rock and roll stars.
Greasy pole has slipped me by, nothing left to lose.
I’m just the lonely guy sitting at the end of your bar.

Landlord, send another beer to the end of the bar.
Not sad but lonely at the end of the bar.
My day’s been so busy, I’ve driven too far
One more ale please at the end of your bar.

The shock was total, no four minute warning.
I’m fed up with the misery that she left me in
Thinking how she left me one September morning.
Keeping to myself with just a glass to cry in.

The A505, the boring road to Baldock.
Feeling successful driving my company car.
Got just enough change to buy another beer.
To be the lonely guy sitting at the end of your bar

In my car
CD’s were playing
In my car
Springsteen was singing
In my car
Love is a journey.
In my car
No-one joins me
In my car
Dreaming of a quiet beer
In my car
Waiting and drinking alone
In my car
Parked outside the pub
My car
Waiting for me when I leave the bar.

Landlord, send another beer to the end of the bar.
End of the bar.
End of the bar.
The day’s been busy and I’ve driven so far
Now I’m stuck at the end of the bar

Break Ups and Silly Love Songs

When Springsteen was breaking up from his first marriage, he went into the studio and produced 'Tunnel of Love' - an album with songs fraught about relationships and break ups.

When Marvin Gaye got divorced, his ex got all proceeds from 'Hear, My Dear', another unexpected excellent album dealing with troubled relationships.

What's the betting that if Sir Paul writes a single song that mentions love or breakups or divorce that Heather will sue? Incidentally, she has had her name changed from Mucca to Pornocchio as a result of the court case!

After all, Lennon and McCartney (both together and individually) have written some of the best love songs ever...

I hear Pornocchio and Sir Paul are going back into court over the small matter of libel.

I am so cool - official!

As I am 'billy no mates' down my local hostelry, not cause I am a social outcast but because I prefer to drink alone and read the daily rags! One can, you know!

Article in the Mail caught my eye...

Apparently to be cool you have to like/buy/do the following...

• Fruit Smoothies (make my own)
• Muffins (I am a sucker for the blueberry and the double chocolate chip in Starbucks/Costa/Nero)
• Classic albums ('Born to Run', 'Crime of the Century' are my listening pleasure in the car)
• Memory sticks (I have one, my kids don't but I do! Should they be called flash drives instead)
• 20 bottle crates of lager (....yup....hic.....double hic....got to get another crate... am as missed as a pewt !...)
• Peppers (red or green or yellow in your spaghetti bolignaise kids?)
• Small oranges (tangerines...yummy!!!)

As I do all of the above, I officially claim the title of the coolest 48 year old dad in the whole wide world!

Heather Mills Part 2

For those interested, you may like to read some of what the papers say...

Time Magazine

Daily Telegraph

Daily Telegraph again

New Musical Express

People

and of course The Sun

All say the same thing....Paul was consistent and believable in the court and Heather wasn't....

Heather Mills

If you had worked for four years and got £24.3 million which consisted of a lump sum of £16.5 million plus £7.8 million in assets, I think that you could judge that your life was successful. That is just over £8 million per year and a better rate than all professional footballers.

Heather Mills (now ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney) does not agree with this. As well as the above, she gets £35k per year for their daughter plus a nanny (paid for by Sir Paul) and security (paid for again by Sir Paul)

Yet she moans and complains on the steps of the court that, because of the amount that she got for settlement is so 'low', their daughter will have to fly Economy Class 'whilst her father can go first class'. She also states that Sir Paul's riches were closer to the £800 million than the £400 million that was stated in court.

By going on about the cash, she even puts proper 'gold diggers' to shame! She even is thinking of contesting the settlement.

Can I be the first to say that I don't think she has a leg to stand on?